April 2005

The other day, I bumped into a couple of long-time acquaintances who asked me how my life was. "It's in transition," I replied. That statement caused me to think about how different my life is that now from a year ago: I'm ending a relationship that's meant the world to me for a very long time; I'm deepening another relationship that's helped me grow incredibly; thanks to Midori, I'm embarking on more educational experiences and travelling more; I'm ready to start posting my own bondage work, as well as my own photography work (with much help from Michele Serchuk - see samples to the right). And that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's been a lot of pain in this growth but there has been a lot of beauty and balance in it as well.

What this has to do with bondage is quite obvious to me. As I grow and change my perspective on life, I grow and change my perspective on my bondage life. I've had several experiences that have allowed me to see myself more in the light of a rope facilitator, as a friend of mine calls me. Not so much a "top" as I am a "guide" in rope. I've found that my experiences as a bottom have given me an intuition when I'm on the other side of the rope and has opened me to a deeper level of connection and understanding, as it has the few with whom I've been blessed enough to share switch experiences. Is my rope work the prettiest our there? No. Am I the most competent rope "top" in the scene? No...I have to back up and retie. Often. But am I connected to my rope partners and is my heart and soul open to them when I tie them? Yes. Definitely. Do I feel full and happy when I share rope that way? Without a doubt. Do I feel as though I've learned at least as much about myself as they have when we finish a scene? Always.

A year ago I had an inkling that this level of connection was possible to me on the other side of the rope. Now I've felt it, crave it and hold it as something very dear to me. This hasn't simplified my life by any means. I have more questions about myself now than I ever have. But the journey to answer those questions is fun and exciting and I'm happy to be on it.

Life conspires to change. I live, so I change.

Namaste,

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